The Continuing Saga of Vampira

I love my parents. Doesn't everyone?

But no, I really do love my parents. Not only is my mom canceling most of her summer plans to take care of me when Perry's at work after my surgery, she has also volunteered to donate blood on my behalf. She, too, is O positive, and she has FABULOUS veins.

(By the way, I STILL have bruises on both arms (greenish yellow at this point), and still have trouble bending my left arm. The thought of of someone sticking a needle in it again on Monday makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction. So yes, it really is a trauma for me to give blood -- I'm not making this up.)

Getting this Directed Donation to happen almost took an act of God. My parents, without me knowing, both went to have their blood tested several days ago. My Dad's blood type is still unknown (they "lost" the test results). My Mom is O+, and after a lot of begging her doctor faxed the information to her so I could fax it to the Red Cross. Then I had to ask the surgeon's office to re-fax the orders to the Red Cross. I called, but the only person who knew how to accomplish this seemingly simple task was on vacation. They were not sure when she would be back, but it sounded like it would be too late for me. They told me she was checking e-mail.

I e-mailed. She replied and asked why the ladies in the office couldn't do it. Well, they claim they don't know how, I said. Fine, she said, she'd call and explaiitn to them. I got the feeling she really wasn't going to call, so I called the Red Cross (since they have been SOOOOOO very nice through all of this) to find out what they needed. The woman at the Red Cross was very clear that all the doctor's office had to do was re-fax the original fax (which should be in my chart) after checking the "Directed Donation" box. I called the doctor's office back and explained how to do this. (Wait, am I joking? I had to explain to THEM how to do this??? And I am trusting the doctor who hired these people to cut apart my pelvis and put it back together??????? Am I crazy???? Oh, nevermind.)

I also had to fax the Red Cross proof of my mother's blood type, which I did, and they called her and asked a bunch of questions, which she answered successfully. Monday we are going together to the Red Cross so she can donate blood on my behalf and I can write a check for it, and afterwards I am taking her out to a nice breakfast.

Yeah ... when my parents asked if "there was anything they could do" for me, I'm sure this was not what they had in mind. But it turns out it was the BEST thing they could have done for me. It has decreased my anxiety level substantially. I am almost coming to terms with the fact that I am going to be having major surgery in a week and a half. And miraculously, I am in a much better mood.

I love you Mom and Dad!

The Last

The Last topic I want to talk about here is my weight, but one of the purposes of this blog is to provide information to others on similar journeys. The point is to tell newly-diagnosed hip patients what to expect, and that it’s OK to feel like shit about things that are happening to you. Those are observations that I can contribute to the greater good.

Case in point, my weight. Since I can’t exercise like I used to, despite cutting back on calories, I have gained a whopping 10 pounds. On me, at 5’4” with a medium/small frame, this is a lot of lbs. My blood pressure and resting pulse have gone from those of an active, fit person to those of a couch potato in just 9 months. I am sure that my cholesterol levels and blood sugar have followed suit. I am just not healthy right now. For me, it feels like a personal failure.

I am also whiny because I feel bloated, don’t like how I look, and don’t like how my clothes fit (or, more to the point, don’t fit). I have gained weight in places that I have never had weight before, like my mid-section. Oh, I can’t stand it.

I tried dieting, but without exercise my body just thinks I’m starving it and lowers my metabolism to compensate. The scale doesn’t budge. This is what happens to athletes, I am told. I don’t think it’s healthy to diet, plus it isn't working, so I've decided to eat normally, albeit healthily, and plan to take the weight off when I can really exercise again, in a year or so. I am likely to gain some more in the coming months because my ass will be firmly parked on the couch. Woe to the unlucky visitor who stops by my house with cookies! Hint to everyone: BRING CARROTS if you want me to open the door.

I am still very strong, as evidenced by what I can do on the weight machine. I know there are muscles under there, hidden under those fat cells; muscles which are going to help me recover. I just can’t seem to get rid of the fat. 30 – 40 minutes on the elliptical at the level I can handle without pain (which is not very strenuous) just doesn’t compare to the 90 minutes of hard skating I used to do most days. I know that I could up the elliptical workout time but it is so mind-numbingly BORING that I just can’t bring myself to do more than I am already doing. Ditto the swimming. No can do.

That’s about as much I can stand to write about my weight issues. So, moving on …

I am right now in Virginia to judge The Last Competition B.S. (“Before Surgery”). As other hip chicks have noted, as you count down to surgery you tend to notice “The Lasts.” This is one such Last, but I know I’ll judge again on the other side.

Last week I spent quality time with my stepdaughter Ashley, visiting from college. I walked a lot, and even walked on the beach. I’m calling it “The Last” fun vacation B.S. although I know there will be many more vacations on the other side.

My stepson Aaron graduated from High School on Tuesday, preceded by a nice family dinner. I’m calling that “The Last” big family event B.S. There will be plenty more of those on the other side.

I introduced the person who will be taking my place on my biggest project at work to the project team this past week. I’m calling it “The Last” political issue I have to deal with at work B.S. For sure, there will be a whole lotta those on the other side!

As for The Last Skate … well, that happened about a month ago. I still have my skates in the car, and every single day I ponder going over for One Last Skate. A part of me really wants to, but I can’t quite do it. I always find some excuse.

The Last time I went was a pretty good hip day with very little pain. I was able to do some of the things I used to do (the Austrian Waltz twizzles, the Rhumba Choctaw and a hydroblade, for my skating friends), and I really enjoyed expressing the music on my Ipod that day. The sun was shining through the windows in the rink. I felt good. I felt happy. Somebody asked me if I skated in an ice show and it made my day.

Since then my hips have degenerated noticeably. I don’t know if I’ll skate again at my prior level on the other side. I know I can’t possibly do so now. So I really don’t want to mess with my happy memory of The Last Skate by going to the rink right now.

I do miss all you guys though.

Put one foot in front of the other ...

Walking is so basic. It seems so easy. It's great exercise. It's good for you. Almost anyone can do it!

My stepdaughter Ashley is here visiting from Colorado, on break from college. Yesterday my mother and I showed her some of the highlights of Portland - the Rose Garden, the Japanese Garden, and shopping on NW 23rd. I walked A LOT, more than I have since diagnosis, and didn't really make any accommodations except taking the shuttle up the hill to the Japanese Garden. Today I feel like somebody stood on my pelvis and took a baseball bat to my back, hips, and legs.

My 70-year-old mother accompanied us and wasn't even tired at the end of the day, while I was firmly planted on a chair complaining of how sore my legs were. That's right, me, the athlete.

We are supposed to be going downtown tomorrow and to the beach the following day, both walking-intensive activities. The wheelchair idea is sounding better and better. Wheelchair on sand at the beach? Probably not going to happen. I just need to get through this week and then it's only 4 more weeks until surgery. I can spend the weekend recovering from all of this walking.

I am now 100% convinced that I do need this surgery.

Dating Dilemma

Yesterday we closed on our house re-finance. This means we took a bunch of equity out of our house in order to pay for my two surgeries. We also got a hell of a nice interest rate on our mortgage (4.75%, yippee), so we feel pretty good about that part of it. Not so good about having to raid essentially all of my non-retirement life savings in order to pay for surgery, of course.

Since I’m now funded, in case Aetna doesn’t want to play nice, I talked to the surgeon’s office today about getting an exact date in July. If I get the date I want (July 1), that’s only a bit over 8 weeks away, and there is so much to do between now and then.

They replied that they are “not ready” to schedule July because they are “not sure what they are doing quite yet.” Huh? Does that mean they may or may not be around in July? I want to have confidence in the people who will be cutting my pelvis apart and screwing it back together. I don’t have high confidence in people who are “not sure what they are doing.”

This answer also ticks me off. Do they not realize that I need to schedule time off work (and frankly, it’s not going to be easy for those at my office when I’m gone), file papers for STD and FMLA, get a bye on my coveted downtown parking spot, order a hospital bed for my home, order other post-surgical necessities, get a hotel room in Tacoma for the night before surgery, donate blood for myself (twice), get an appointment for a pre-surgery physical with my GP (who normally has a THREE MONTH lead time), etc., etc., etc. These are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.

I know doctors put a premium on nobody’s time but their own (no offense intended, any MDs that are reading this, but you know I’m right). That is why you can wait an hour and a half to see a doctor for 20 minutes, and there is no guilt or remorse shown by the doc or the staff. So perhaps this surgery scheduling is done last minute, so that I can scramble to get everything done, because the surgeon doesn’t believe that I have a life outside of their operating table to deal with beforehand.

Yes, I am feeling pissy. I have been recently promoted at work, and so I’m working a lot of hours and taking on a lot of new responsibility, all of which will be put on hold somehow for 6 – 8 weeks starting in July, which is just around the corner. I have to get everything in order with my staff and projects before then. I am doing some traveling to judge and for vacation, so I’m not going to be at anyone’s beck and call to just run on down to the blood donation center. I have scheduled a week-long visit from my stepdaughter, who I haven’t seen in a couple of years. My stepson is graduating from high school, and we are having a party. And on, and on, and on, the same list of real-life things to do that any of my hip sisters probably had before their surgeries as well. I will be putting most of my life on hold post-surgery, as will my husband, and my mother, who has promised to stay with me during the day while my husband is at work. Other family members and friends have been equally generous with their future time.

I am a project manager by trade and temperament. I need a time line. I need a countdown. I am at odds with nothing to plan toward except a vague “July.” I need a surgery date.

Right this minute,

there are 25 teenage boys in my basement watching the super bowl. That's right, I said twenty-five. My stepson Aaron invited his entire youth group over to watch the game and Perry and I are playing the role of pizza server, soda pourer, and "chaperone." So far, so good, although we and the cat are already deafened by the yelling and cheering going on one floor below.

The testosterone is pretty thick in here.

Earlier today I went to the rink for the first time in 2 weeks. For the first time since my diagnosis, I noticed how my abilities had deteriorated. It was no longer just a question of skating through pain but still able to do most of what I could do before. I was unable to put my full weight on one side of my body and support it on one leg for any length of time. I was shaky and wobbly and couldn't bend my knees. I could not hold an edge. The pain was no longer something I could just ignore; it controlled what I could and could not do.

After the first lap around the rink I was ready to stop, but I forced myself to stay out there and "work through it." By the second hour I was seeing slight improvement, but that's really not saying much. I couldn't even do the preliminary dances. I "got through" a few dances during the second session but they were not on edges and had no speed. They were walked, well, stumbled. They were not danced. I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted it to, try as I might.

I know I shouldn't have an ego about this, but I skate in a mall rink and there's an audience there. I was on a high level dance session where everyone is a good skater, and then there was me ... stumbling around the ice as if I had never skated before. It was humbling. I felt out of place. I am sure the shoppers weren't pointing and saying, "what is that old lady doing out there with all those good skaters" ... but it sure felt like it.

Am I that much of a narcissist? I guess I can relax about it. I'm sure nobody was looking at me, they were watching the dancers who could skate.

New Year

Perry and Blue say, "happy new year!"

As we bid farewell to 2008 and welcome 2009, I am in the kitchen baking a marzipan cake for the new year (a family tradition).

In my two blogs I've focused on skating and hip issues, with the occasional toilet discussion thrown in for good measure. I haven't talked in detail about my family, politics, the economy, or a number of other important issues. It's not that I don't care about those things, it's just that the purpose of these blogs is fairly narrow. But on new year's eve I feel justified in branching out a bit.

Family: Our parents are in good health and we see them often. My sister and brother-in-law live close by. Perry's boys, my stepsons, are doing well. Aaron is a senior in high school and busily applying to college. Isaac is a freshman in high school and busy with many activities. My stepdaughters are also doing well; Melanie is married and living on the east coast while Ashley is in Ft. Collins in the pre-veterinary program at CSU. I'm proud of all the kids and I know they will all be successful in their many endeavors.

Perry has been supportive of my skating, hip issues, and life in general. As he will readily admit, I can be "high maintenance," but he puts up with my shit and I try hard not to give him too much of it. We still enjoy each other's company after 5 years, and I couldn't ask for a better husband.

Friends: I am grateful for having so many of you in my life. Those of you I count on the most -- Kianoosh, Larry, Linda M, Mary, Marilu and Tim --- I couldn't ask for better friends. Through Facebook I've reconnected with people from high school and beyond which has been fun and enlightening. I'm not generally good at "keeping in touch" so I really am thankful for Facebook, even though it can be a time waster.

Home: We've put our renovation on hold for now. Until I know the status of the insurance payments for my upcoming surgeries, I really can't justify spending money on a new kitchen and guest bath. It's frustrating, since we really wanted to get this house done this year. The kitchen and bathroom are functional but ugly, so there are worse fates, but I can say that if the insurance comes through, we'll be renovating next year, to be followed by a big party. If the insurance doesn't come through I think we will still have the party anyway.

Pets: 2008 brought our family sorrow and happiness. We lost our faithful and beloved 18-year-old feline companion, Toulouse, exactly one year ago today. Miss Blue, an abandoned cat who we noticed hanging around our yard, moved in to the house on thanksgiving and has quickly become a member of the family.

Blogs: Thank you all for reading, and for commenting. Blog readers include friends, family, fellow ice dancers and fellow hip chicks. In 2009 I'll continue to report on the good, the bad, and the ugly as I see it. I hope readers continue to find this blog informative and entertaining.

Be safe, be healthy, be happy ... hug your loved ones ...and don't drink and drive!

Terri

Giving Thanks

I haven’t written here in a while. I’ve been concentrating on living life, and trying not to think about surgeries and such. Things are mostly status quo, except walking is getting more difficult. I walked 6 city blocks to meet Perry at the optometrist last night – I thought driving would be stupid – and I’m regretting it today. It didn’t hurt much at the time, but I need to realize that the next day is always the killer.

My knee, elbow and tricep are also sore because of a fall Tim and I took on the ice yesterday. It was just a stupid fall during a free dance run-through, on our circular footwork of all things. I just went into a drape and fell for no reason, and took him down with me. I don’t think this fall was hip related, although I do notice that generally I’m not as steady on my blades any more and rely on Tim more for support. We got up and kept skating the rest of the session since we are so tough. I’m sure Dr. Mayo would not approve of any of this since I’m supposedly limited to “low impact” activities such as swimming, the elliptical machine, and sitting on "The Bean" watching TV. Ahem. Thank goodness Dr. Mayo's way too busy to read this blog.

The purpose of this post is not to complain as I usually do, but to give thanks. There are all kinds of reasons to do this. In frightening economic times, Perry and I both have jobs. We have health insurance (although it is doubtful mine will cover my PAO, but that is a story for a complaining post, not for a thankful post). Our parents are healthy. Overall, we are healthy, hips excluded of course. The kids are doing well in school and staying out of trouble. Other than our mortgage, which is at a low, fixed rate, we have no debt. Our home has lost a bit of value but we bought it at a good price before prices started to heat up; we plan to keep it for a while and we’re not under water. Our 401(k)s have taken a hit, but we aren’t planning to retire any time soon. We do feel very lucky that we are weathering these financial difficulties well, since we know that is not the case for everyone. Many of our friends have had setbacks and we can only be supportive.

I am thankful for all that I have, for my wonderful family and friends, and for Perry, who has cheered me up even when I don’t want to be cheered up. We are truly lucky.