Back to work

I'm almost 5 weeks post RPAO, and I'm going back into the office part-time tomorrow (I've been working from home part-time since week 2). I work for a financial services company doing product development, so I do a lot of sitting during the day either at my desk or in meetings. I am lucky that my job does not require much standing or walking since I'm still on crutches. Sitting may be difficult for long stretches but I am prepared to deal with that. I had originally planned for 8 weeks off work so I am happy to be ahead of schedule.

Next milestone will be going to the therapy pool starting next week. I've joined a pool near my house and I look forward to walking in the water and doing some easy range of motion exercises.

Long-term goal: If I continue to do well, and physical therapy goes well, I would like to try putting on my skates some time in October. Harlick is refurbishing my boots and should have them back to me next week. My goal is to do some light stroking and edges. It all depends on my strength and balance. This is a pretty aggressive goal for someone who is still on crutches, but it's something to shoot for.

Driving under the radar

Well, I couldn't help myself. I was in my parents' suburban neighborhood. The streets are wide, people drive slowly, and there were no other cars on the road. The worst that could happen -- I could hit a mailbox, or maybe a trash can. So I drove around the block, and it was just fine.

I am not supposed to drive for two more weeks, but I had no problem moving my operated right leg from the gas to the brake and back again. I even drove several miles home from my parents' neighborhood in traffic, and all was well. I even had to slam on the brakes to avoid an idiot driver, and was able to do so.

I will be a good patient and promise not to drive long distances or on the freeway for two more weeks, because I could tell my thigh muscles were getting tired by the time I got home. But now I know it's safe for me to go to the grocery store, the post office, the coffee shop, or even the office, which I've promised my co-workers to do part-time starting next week (I was going to carpool with my Dad). Just knowing I can go places on my own feels so liberating!

Four Weeks

Clearly I haven't spent the past 4 weeks working on my tan

I am halfway to my post-op appointment where, please God, I will find out that I can ditch at least one of the crutches. I am 2/3 of the way to being able to drive and go in the pool. I have stopped the insane sweating. I am done with the hospital bed. I am so done with the iron supplements.

I am starting to feel pretty normal, other than being unable to get the song "Tennessee Waltz," complete with Lawrence Welk-type orchestration, out of my head. It's been two weeks since I took any pain meds so I don't think this is opiate-related, but I have no other explanation.

I also have this overwhelming urge to go shopping. I don't have the stamina to shop or try a bunch of things on, and I don't even know what size I will end up being when all is said and done; I'm not about to actually go to the mall. So what is driving this shopping desire? I think I've been watching too many episodes of "What Not to Wear," which is shown in reruns two or three times each weekday. I think Stacy and Clinton would agree that a brand new hip deserves a brand new wardrobe, so if anyone wants to nominate me to be on the show you have my blessing. Shut up!

Sleeping is still not a sure thing, and before this I was a really good sleeper, so I'm perplexed and not quite sure how to fix it. I've ruled out heavy drinking and sleeping pills, for now. I am still unable to find consistently comfortable sleeping positions throughout the night, and often wake up long before dawn. But that's OK! I can take naps any time I want to.

Not that I'm just sitting around doing nothing all day in my jammies, although occasionally that happens. I confess that I have read my share of People magazines, although I draw the line at The Enquirer and I've avoided the most ridiculous daytime TV shows. (Note: "What Not to Wear" should NOT be categorized as crappy daytime TV.) Most days I try to be as normal as possible by getting up, showering, making an attempt to tame my hair even though blow drying is out of the question, and putting on "real" clothes from the loungewear family (i.e., sweats).

I attempt to sit upright each day for as long as possible. I try to get up and walk around throughout the day and/or get out of the house if someone is willing to come get me. I'm not yet ready to walk in my own neighborhood since our streets are not well paved and the terrain is hilly. I am able to shower standing up on one foot. I can do light housework, such as cleaning up cat barf, doing laundry, and washing dishes. Monday I even vacuumed half of the main floor (it is possible, just takes a while) and cleaned the upstairs bathrooms. I actually sat on the floor and scrubbed from there - it's easier than mopping upright.

Which leads me to ... I can sit on the floor and get up from the floor using my good leg. It's a neat party trick.

I have not yet tripped, fallen, or accidentally put my full weight on my right leg as so many PAO patients do. In some ways I wish this would happen so I could test out my hip, but I know it's not ready. Don't worry mom, I'm not planning to actually do this.

My upper thigh is still numb, lumpy and a bit swollen. The scar looks really good and doesn't hurt when I touch it. I occasionally feel odd twinges of pain in my outer hip which I imagine are screw heads poking me, but since I'm not sure what screw heads feel like this could all be in my mind. I feel odd pulling sensations in my muscles. Sometimes my knees hurt, especially at night. I know how important strong quads are to keep the knee joint stable; my quads are not just weak, they are pathetic after four weeks of atrophy. My hope is the knees will be just fine once I build the muscles up again -- I've never had knee problems and don't want to start now.

I actually feel like I could walk just fine without my crutches, but I'm not going to be a fool and try it. There will be plenty of time for walking. I'm sure I'll look back fondly on these lazy, boring days when I'm in the midst of physical therapy hell in September.

Farewell to Fragmin

Today was my last Fragmin (anti-coagulant) injection. To say that I am happy about this is a gross understatement. The injections weren't really all that bad, and didn't really hurt (just a bit of a sting), but I just never quite got used to giving myself a shot in the abdomen each morning. I dreaded it each day.

And a cheery adios to my elastic TED stockings as well. I actually ditched them yesterday since my legs are not swollen and we are experiencing a heat wave here. Plus they were pretty stretched out and I don't think they were compressing anything.

I've been looking forward to these milestones. Next milestone? I can stop taking iron supplements (they do yucky things to my digestion) in just over a week. After that? I get to drive and go to the pool in 3 weeks and 2 days! At that point I will also go back to the office part-time.

Goals

Kianoosh, Chris, Molly and me freezing our patooties off in California

Yesterday I went to the (ice) rink and worked on novice moves. No, silly, the NEW novice moves. That's right! The new novice moves that will take effect a year from this fall. That's just in time for me to test them after my two surgeries and rehabilitations are over. No more nasty spirals, which with my hips are really impossible, and the loops and twizzles are oodles of fun. I am working on the entire test now on the rare days I actually skate. And yes, I am serious, now that the spirals are gone my goal is to test them post surgery. Having a goal like that will help get me back out there, and the timing of the changes to the test structure seem about right for my recovery, if all goes well.

The forward loops took a bit of practice and a lesson from coach R, since they are on half circles and not full circles, but since I passed my 3rd test back when dinosaurs roamed the earth they came back pretty quickly. I'm pretty good at counters although they hurt my hips right now, but I'm hoping post surgery/rehab that won't be an issue. The new twizzle move is just plain fun because thankfully twizzles are the only thing on ice that has ever come easily to me. Stepping forward after the BI twizzles to a FI edge is challenging for someone with no turnout, but I can do it in a squeaky way. {Judges, Beware! Read this blog no further; ISU has come out with a new communique! Run, don't walk, to ISU's web site and disregard the rest of this paragraph!!} With practice I think I can find a sneaky way to do the step forward so that judges don't notice I'm cheating. Well, because I cheat most everything and so far I have two gold medals to show for a lifetime of hip-induced nasty faux skating trickery. So there.

{Welcome back judges!} In other news, the surgeon's office has told me they are not scheduling July at all due to a personal issue for the doctor. I can understand that, but still, I had my entire life focused on July. I am now focusing on August or later. This messes up my fall judging schedule and things at work, not to mention the planned post-surgery vacation that Perry and I are looking forward to. I so want this over with so that I can stop worrying and get back to my life. After all, I have a novice moves test to pass.

Out Standing

I judged and refereed at a local skating competition yesterday. Judging was OK because I could sit, and the events weren't very long so I was able to get up and move around in between. But while ref'ing I had to stand for fairly long periods of time. My hips got very angry about that, to the point of hurting most of the day today.

I am supposed to be chief referee at a competition in another state 10 weeks or so after surgery. I have been reading on the Hipwomen list that traveling alone on a plane 10 weeks after surgery is probably going to be a Very Big Deal. Then to chief a multi-day competition after the plane ride/airport-to-hotel journey may be a bit ... much.

I really thought that after 10 weeks I'd be feeling great and able to resume such activities. But now I'm thinking, Not So Much. Even if I have the perfect recovery (not likely at my age, which for this type of surgery is advanced) it's going to be a major endeavor featuring muscle relaxants and walking aids and wheelchairs and fatigue and annoyance and mostly lots of pain.

I can still back out, but this is sort of an important competition to chief since it's supposed to lead to a referee's appointment, something I've been saying I was going to do for about 6 years. But obviously the timing stinks. I hadn't foreseen hip dysplasia in my future last year when I was setting goals for myself.

I also have said I'd be back at work in 6 weeks, because I only have 12 weeks FMLA on a rolling yearly basis and so need 6 for each surgery. But now I'm thinking that's not going to be possible either. It's a total shift in my thinking, but I realize this recovery is going to be longer and more difficult than I've let myself believe until now.

Outstanding.

Carried away ...

I participated in the Phillip Mills choreography seminar on Sunday morning (representing adult skaters, along with two other brave young-at-heart ladies, in the large group of kids), followed by ice dancing for an hour. Today I am definitely feeling the pain, but sometimes you just have to say "what the fuck."

Amped up as I was on Aleve, I did 3 flip jumps (yeah I know, really dumb idea, but I was having so much fun that when the kids jumped, I jumped too) and a toe loop (barely counts as a jump, come on). Then there were a number of spins. It was really a fun seminar and made me feel better, emotionally, that I can still participate. What happens in the rink stays in the rink, and Dr. Mayo does not need to know about this!!

I should have quit there, but the hour of ice dancing after was just icing on the cake, and I worked on some of the partnering for the Austrian Waltz with Bob R. This is the dance we will be doing at the High Dance Camp this year ... well, not technically "we," because "I" will be on crutches ... but I will be dancing along from the sidelines. Depending on when my surgery is scheduled I'll be at most 8 or 9 weeks post-PAO, so I know there is no miracle of modern science that will allow me to skate by then. I really like the Austrian so I'm sad that I'll miss this year. However, I'd be sad to miss any year. I will certainly lobby hard for the Ravensburger Waltz for 2010's dance camp -- that will motivate me to be rehabbed and ready by then.

(My skating readers know what I'm talking about when I say Austrian Waltz, but for my hip sisters, here's a rendition of the dance done at Nationals a couple of years back.)

End of season

Tim and I decided today not to compete in April. The deadline for entries is tomorrow, and so now was the time for such a decision. It's actually not my hips that are causing this decision, but Tim has also been quite sick. Our decision actually has more to do with his health than mine, since he faces a long recovery period to get his strength back. I face a downhill slide with decreasing abilities, followed by surgery, followed by a long and painful recovery. Times two of course. But right now I still feel OK to skate 2 compulsories and a free dance.

It's the right decision for us and in some ways I'm relieved, because I had no way of knowing when my decline might become overwhelming, forcing us to drop out. Better to do so now before costumes are sewn, plane tickets are purchased, and our competition relies on us to be there.

We sat out last year due to Tim's severed achilles. We'll sit out this year. And we'll sit out next year because of my hip surgeries. Some teams would look at this track record and simply retire, but we really love skating as a team too much to consider doing that. I could find no better ice dancing partner. Our first and only competitive season was just a beginning, and we're not ready for an end yet. We feel like we have not yet had the chance to show what we can really do. So while I can't promise we'll be back, I know we'll make every attempt to do so.

Motivation

I skated by myself today because Tim is sick. I have found the perfect piece of music to use for solo interpretive. It is sad, yet hopeful, reflecting my mood of late.

I have been toying with this music for some time now, doing a bit of choreography each time I skate by myself. I'm to the point where I feel it would really convey the emotions I'm feeling, and I'm tempted to enter the interpretive event at Nationals in April. But I know that it's going to take every bit of my mental and physical energy and focus to compete in the gold dance event with Tim, and that's my first priority.

I've gone back and forth in my mind - "compete in interpretive" ... "don't compete in interpretive" - and with the deadline for entries being next week, it's forced a decision. As much as I want to do it, I am not going to enter the event. I think I'll save this music and this choreography to do after I've had both of my surgeries and recovered.

I realize that for various reasons, it may never happen. But it does give me something to plan for and perhaps will provide some post-surgerical motivation when I'm hating my physical therapist and rebelling against another lap in the pool.

We'll all have to be patient, but if all goes as planned I'll debut the progam in April of 2011. Please mark your calendars.

Back from the desert

I am back from judging the Pacific Coast Sectional Figure Skating Championships in sunny warm Scottsdale, Arizona. It was a good test of my pain levels, doing things that really should hurt. I sat for long periods of time in an uncomfortable seat at ice level which, obviously, means it was cold. I had to stand a few times to give critiques. I carried stuff. I slept in a hotel room bed that was not even remotely comfortable in any position.

Then at night Perry and I did some walking outside where it was warm. After all of that I would have expected a lot of pain, but I didn't really have much. I even went without the cane on the last day when we went walking around Tempe. I'm not sure why I felt so good but I suspect, sadly, that it's because I haven't skated in over a week due to a combination of a bad cold and being out of town. I guess I have to admit that skating is not good for me, even though it doesn't hurt much while I'm doing it ... the residual effect is what keeps me up at night in pain.

Well, being stubborn, I'm still not ready to let it go. I even have some goals for myself. I passed my Silver Samba in October, the first international dance for me. I'd like to pass the Cha Cha Congelado and perhaps the Rhumba before surgery next summer. The Rhumba is so much harder for me than for normal people. With legs that turn in, it's almost impossible to force those choctaws. I can do it but it's not pretty.

I'm starting to worry about all of the reports from post-PAO gals that their operated leg is still "gimpy" and their quadriceps (which are "moved" during surgery ... I don't know if that means "cut" or not, but I suspect so) are never the same after. I can't imagine skating on two gimpy legs when this is all over. It just won't work. I have huge quads and use them for almost everything I do on the ice, so it worries me to think they are going to be cut or moved or whatever and maybe never come back. On the other hand, the post-PAO ladies who seemed to be in better shape before their surgeries tend to do better and I'm hoping to be one of those. Plus I know what it means to work hard in the gym and not give up on my gimpy-ness.

Testing 3 international dances before I go under the knife will make me very happy. If I'm unable to skate at all post-surgery, I can always point to those tests and say that I used to be an ice dancer.