I haven’t really felt afraid yet, and that’s because my surgery is 7 or 8 months away (exact date still TBD). It seems so distant that I can’t be afraid of it yet. I’ve read many blog accounts of PAO surgery and I think I know what to expect. Some people would rather go into a surgery without knowing the details; for me, it’s better to know and get used to the idea of it than to be surprised. I’m such a control freak and I’ll be handing over total control of my body and all its functions to the anesthesiologist and surgeon for 5 to 7 hours, followed by weeks of dependence on others to take care of my most basic needs. But this is not my biggest fear.
I also fear doctors and needles. Even drawing blood from me is a major event. I have bad veins and a “simple” blood draw really hurts me. I have to get past this fear since there will be needles and tubes and drains and catheters and I don’t even know what other things attached to all parts of my body before and during surgery. But this is not my biggest fear.
I’m afraid of losing my abilities. Walking, skating, stretching, working in the garden. I stuck the skating in there casually as if it’s not too important, but who am I kidding. I have worked so hard on it the past many years that, to lose it all and never get it back would be a shame, a waste, something to cry about. Because of my hip issues, skating has been twice as hard for me as it would be for a “normal” person. Ice dancing is all about turnout. Those of you with turnout don’t know this … because you just think what you can do is the norm, and among skaters that is generally true. For those of us without it, everything is a struggle, even simple inside to inside Mohawks, about which I’ve said for years, “I can feel my hip grinding when I do this.” Doing the “simple” swing dance mohawk hurts like hell for me and it takes all my power of concentration to do that turn. That’s my version of “normal.” I stopped asking coaches about why it hurt and what I was doing wrong a long time ago and just did it, feeling and hearing the grinding at the same time as I forced my ankle to fake turning out my leg on the exit. A big smile usually hid the fact that my knee and hip were really turned in even though my toe was pointing out.
Tim and I are still skating and improving as a team. We’ve had a couple of great practices recently. I don’t even want to imagine him having to find another partner if I can’t get back to my current level of skating. I am terrified of that.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Back from the desert
I am back from judging the Pacific Coast Sectional Figure Skating Championships in sunny warm Scottsdale, Arizona. It was a good test of my pain levels, doing things that really should hurt. I sat for long periods of time in an uncomfortable seat at ice level which, obviously, means it was cold. I had to stand a few times to give critiques. I carried stuff. I slept in a hotel room bed that was not even remotely comfortable in any position.
Then at night Perry and I did some walking outside where it was warm. After all of that I would have expected a lot of pain, but I didn't really have much. I even went without the cane on the last day when we went walking around Tempe. I'm not sure why I felt so good but I suspect, sadly, that it's because I haven't skated in over a week due to a combination of a bad cold and being out of town. I guess I have to admit that skating is not good for me, even though it doesn't hurt much while I'm doing it ... the residual effect is what keeps me up at night in pain.
Well, being stubborn, I'm still not ready to let it go. I even have some goals for myself. I passed my Silver Samba in October, the first international dance for me. I'd like to pass the Cha Cha Congelado and perhaps the Rhumba before surgery next summer. The Rhumba is so much harder for me than for normal people. With legs that turn in, it's almost impossible to force those choctaws. I can do it but it's not pretty.
I'm starting to worry about all of the reports from post-PAO gals that their operated leg is still "gimpy" and their quadriceps (which are "moved" during surgery ... I don't know if that means "cut" or not, but I suspect so) are never the same after. I can't imagine skating on two gimpy legs when this is all over. It just won't work. I have huge quads and use them for almost everything I do on the ice, so it worries me to think they are going to be cut or moved or whatever and maybe never come back. On the other hand, the post-PAO ladies who seemed to be in better shape before their surgeries tend to do better and I'm hoping to be one of those. Plus I know what it means to work hard in the gym and not give up on my gimpy-ness.
Testing 3 international dances before I go under the knife will make me very happy. If I'm unable to skate at all post-surgery, I can always point to those tests and say that I used to be an ice dancer.
Then at night Perry and I did some walking outside where it was warm. After all of that I would have expected a lot of pain, but I didn't really have much. I even went without the cane on the last day when we went walking around Tempe. I'm not sure why I felt so good but I suspect, sadly, that it's because I haven't skated in over a week due to a combination of a bad cold and being out of town. I guess I have to admit that skating is not good for me, even though it doesn't hurt much while I'm doing it ... the residual effect is what keeps me up at night in pain.
Well, being stubborn, I'm still not ready to let it go. I even have some goals for myself. I passed my Silver Samba in October, the first international dance for me. I'd like to pass the Cha Cha Congelado and perhaps the Rhumba before surgery next summer. The Rhumba is so much harder for me than for normal people. With legs that turn in, it's almost impossible to force those choctaws. I can do it but it's not pretty.
I'm starting to worry about all of the reports from post-PAO gals that their operated leg is still "gimpy" and their quadriceps (which are "moved" during surgery ... I don't know if that means "cut" or not, but I suspect so) are never the same after. I can't imagine skating on two gimpy legs when this is all over. It just won't work. I have huge quads and use them for almost everything I do on the ice, so it worries me to think they are going to be cut or moved or whatever and maybe never come back. On the other hand, the post-PAO ladies who seemed to be in better shape before their surgeries tend to do better and I'm hoping to be one of those. Plus I know what it means to work hard in the gym and not give up on my gimpy-ness.
Testing 3 international dances before I go under the knife will make me very happy. If I'm unable to skate at all post-surgery, I can always point to those tests and say that I used to be an ice dancer.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Cane on the Plane
Ode to my walking stick, with thanks to Dr. Seuss
I like my cane
It’s very plain
It helps me walk
Avoiding pain.
My cane, my cane
Sometimes a pain
Rules out umbrellas
In the rain.
A lovely cane
It’s wood, nice grain
Tonight I’ll take it
On a plane.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. Granted, it doesn’t rain as much as we lead people to believe – some of that is hyberbole and meant to keep the rest of you from moving to our little slice of paradise. But for the past couple of weeks it has been pouring.
With the cane in my left hand and my backback on my back, I could in theory carry an umbrella. But usually I have a latte or a water bottle in my right hand, or something that doesn’t fit in the backpack which I’m carrying to a meeting across the street. Normally this is OK with me so I haven't been carrying an umbrella to work. However, last night I went to the salon, where they styled my normally curly/frizzy hair. If I keep it dry this style lasts a couple of days. Without an umbrella I’m doomed.
I pulled my jacket (no hood! Damn!) over my head and “ran for it” (meaning hobbled a bit faster) and made it with very little damage to my head. The return trip was equally difficult and the rain was coming down harder. Now I’m watching the frizz start to pop out everywhere on my head despite the seemingly hours-long blow dry session last night.
Luckily this won’t be a problem in Scottsdale where it’s warm and dry. We leave tonight and I’ll get to see how amenable TSA is to walking gear, which in theory could be used as a weapon. Stay tuned for a full report.
I like my cane
It’s very plain
It helps me walk
Avoiding pain.
My cane, my cane
Sometimes a pain
Rules out umbrellas
In the rain.
A lovely cane
It’s wood, nice grain
Tonight I’ll take it
On a plane.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. Granted, it doesn’t rain as much as we lead people to believe – some of that is hyberbole and meant to keep the rest of you from moving to our little slice of paradise. But for the past couple of weeks it has been pouring.
With the cane in my left hand and my backback on my back, I could in theory carry an umbrella. But usually I have a latte or a water bottle in my right hand, or something that doesn’t fit in the backpack which I’m carrying to a meeting across the street. Normally this is OK with me so I haven't been carrying an umbrella to work. However, last night I went to the salon, where they styled my normally curly/frizzy hair. If I keep it dry this style lasts a couple of days. Without an umbrella I’m doomed.
I pulled my jacket (no hood! Damn!) over my head and “ran for it” (meaning hobbled a bit faster) and made it with very little damage to my head. The return trip was equally difficult and the rain was coming down harder. Now I’m watching the frizz start to pop out everywhere on my head despite the seemingly hours-long blow dry session last night.
Luckily this won’t be a problem in Scottsdale where it’s warm and dry. We leave tonight and I’ll get to see how amenable TSA is to walking gear, which in theory could be used as a weapon. Stay tuned for a full report.
Sticker Shock
I got my insurance recap for the visit to Dr. Mayo’s office. A few hundred dollars for the consult, a few hundred for the x-rays, and a whopping $1,999 for the CT scan.
I guess I was expecting a large bill, but not quite that much. Since I’m paying out of pocket I am experiencing a wee bit of sticker shock. It’s a good thing we didn’t decide to renovate the kitchen this year! I needed a CT scan far more than that 36” range with double oven.
When Perry and I decided to do the high deductible health care plan last year, we thought it was perfect for us. We are healthy and pretty much never go to the doctor. Wellness was covered 100%, and that’s the only thing we ever utilized. Why pay high premiums when you don’t need to?
So last year we were happy with our decision to go on the high deductible plan. And this year too, until August, when I became the proud owner of an expensive medical condition. I’m just about to hit my $3,000 deductible, but not quite … unless something else unexpected comes along before the end of the calendar year, but let’s hope not.
I think it’s good that as a consumer I’m forced to know what health care “really costs.” That prevents me from doing stupid things, like going to the emergency room when I stub my toe or eating fast food every day. I already take responsibility for my body and my health but I know some people don’t, so I guess truth in billing is a good thing.
The CT scan was about 10 minutes (after more than an hour wait) of being put into a donut-shaped machine and holding really still. I know it’s expensive because the technicians are highly trained and have to calculate a whole bunch of variances based on what the CT scan spits out, and there were two of them, and the machine’s expensive, and it uses a lot of energy. I’m not disputing a couple of grand (and I’m happy to pay it since it proved I didn’t need to have a second surgery on each leg – the CT scan was much cheaper and easier to recover from).
But I suspect this is a harbinger of more shocking bills to come, so I am bracing myself. Since it’s open enrollment time, I’m also changing back to the more expensive health care plan offered by my employer. Even though I know Aetna is going to initially refuse to pay for my surgeries until I appeal and eventually threaten to sue them, I would like to know that at the end of the day my maximum out of pocket and deductibles will be lower. Guess it’s OK to start eating more fast food.
I guess I was expecting a large bill, but not quite that much. Since I’m paying out of pocket I am experiencing a wee bit of sticker shock. It’s a good thing we didn’t decide to renovate the kitchen this year! I needed a CT scan far more than that 36” range with double oven.
When Perry and I decided to do the high deductible health care plan last year, we thought it was perfect for us. We are healthy and pretty much never go to the doctor. Wellness was covered 100%, and that’s the only thing we ever utilized. Why pay high premiums when you don’t need to?
So last year we were happy with our decision to go on the high deductible plan. And this year too, until August, when I became the proud owner of an expensive medical condition. I’m just about to hit my $3,000 deductible, but not quite … unless something else unexpected comes along before the end of the calendar year, but let’s hope not.
I think it’s good that as a consumer I’m forced to know what health care “really costs.” That prevents me from doing stupid things, like going to the emergency room when I stub my toe or eating fast food every day. I already take responsibility for my body and my health but I know some people don’t, so I guess truth in billing is a good thing.
The CT scan was about 10 minutes (after more than an hour wait) of being put into a donut-shaped machine and holding really still. I know it’s expensive because the technicians are highly trained and have to calculate a whole bunch of variances based on what the CT scan spits out, and there were two of them, and the machine’s expensive, and it uses a lot of energy. I’m not disputing a couple of grand (and I’m happy to pay it since it proved I didn’t need to have a second surgery on each leg – the CT scan was much cheaper and easier to recover from).
But I suspect this is a harbinger of more shocking bills to come, so I am bracing myself. Since it’s open enrollment time, I’m also changing back to the more expensive health care plan offered by my employer. Even though I know Aetna is going to initially refuse to pay for my surgeries until I appeal and eventually threaten to sue them, I would like to know that at the end of the day my maximum out of pocket and deductibles will be lower. Guess it’s OK to start eating more fast food.
Monday, November 10, 2008
News from Dr. Mayo's Office
Well, some good news just in today ... the results of the CT scan indicate that I don't need femoral osteotomy, just PAO. Of course it's hilarious to say "just" PAO, as if that's a walk in the park. But 1 surgery per leg is much, much better than 2 surgeries per leg, even if they can be done at the same time.
Actually, we would have been talking 3.5 surgeries per leg if FO had been included ...the femoral osteotomy would have required a plate in my upper thigh which would have to be removed later, putting me back on crutches for a month. With the PAO, the screws might stay in or be removed, but in any case that is outpatient surgery and seems a little easier than a plate removal. With FO you are actually getting 2 surgeries (FO and plate removal) per leg. With PAO you are getting 1 surgery and a possible screw removal "procedure" which I'm calling half a surgery.
Dr. Mayo also clarified, per my question, that I have "moderate to severe" dysplasia with femoral anteversion. He probably said that during my consult but I couldn't remember, despite writing most of what he said down.
Actually, we would have been talking 3.5 surgeries per leg if FO had been included ...the femoral osteotomy would have required a plate in my upper thigh which would have to be removed later, putting me back on crutches for a month. With the PAO, the screws might stay in or be removed, but in any case that is outpatient surgery and seems a little easier than a plate removal. With FO you are actually getting 2 surgeries (FO and plate removal) per leg. With PAO you are getting 1 surgery and a possible screw removal "procedure" which I'm calling half a surgery.
Dr. Mayo also clarified, per my question, that I have "moderate to severe" dysplasia with femoral anteversion. He probably said that during my consult but I couldn't remember, despite writing most of what he said down.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
New Product Review: The Bean
Today I went to the sporting goods store with Perry, looking for ankle weights which can be filled with water (so I can travel with them ... I am judging 2 competitions out of town in the next 2 months and need to keep up on my exercises). They didn't have them so I'll have to order them on the Internet, but while there I found, and bought, something that may be useful to others with hip pain: THE BEAN.
It cost me $49.95 (less than it costs "on TV") and it looks like this:
It has been difficult to find a comfy chair to work at home or just to sit in the living room and read. My fit ball works kind of, but I get fatigued sitting on it for too long. Now, I am always skeptical of products you can buy via informercial, and I don't believe the claims that people using The Bean lost 40 pounds while sitting on it in front of the TV, but I do think it can be used as a stretching platform and a comfy chair for those of us suffering from hip (and perhaps back) pain.
I'm testing it as we speak. I have it propped vertically against the wall and I'm sort of sitting/reclining on it. It's cushy yet supportive, and seems to keep the pressure off my hips and back. If I lay it flat on the floor it might be nice to sleep on (?) -- which could be useful post-operatively. I can read on it or watch TV, and with it propped up I can type on my laptop. If I turn it over (round side up) I can sit at my desk as well.
I am now reading the online reviews which state that The Bean tends to deflate and come apart at the seams. I'll be on the lookout for that, but I'm not going to use it as a trampoline. I think for me it might be better to use as a comfy chair and not as a workout aid.
It cost me $49.95 (less than it costs "on TV") and it looks like this:
It has been difficult to find a comfy chair to work at home or just to sit in the living room and read. My fit ball works kind of, but I get fatigued sitting on it for too long. Now, I am always skeptical of products you can buy via informercial, and I don't believe the claims that people using The Bean lost 40 pounds while sitting on it in front of the TV, but I do think it can be used as a stretching platform and a comfy chair for those of us suffering from hip (and perhaps back) pain.
I'm testing it as we speak. I have it propped vertically against the wall and I'm sort of sitting/reclining on it. It's cushy yet supportive, and seems to keep the pressure off my hips and back. If I lay it flat on the floor it might be nice to sleep on (?) -- which could be useful post-operatively. I can read on it or watch TV, and with it propped up I can type on my laptop. If I turn it over (round side up) I can sit at my desk as well.
I am now reading the online reviews which state that The Bean tends to deflate and come apart at the seams. I'll be on the lookout for that, but I'm not going to use it as a trampoline. I think for me it might be better to use as a comfy chair and not as a workout aid.
Friday, November 7, 2008
More than hip
I am more than just my hips.
I am 45 years old and I am female.
I'm an ice dancer. I've passed my standard gold dances and one international dance (Samba). My partner and I plan to compete in the gold dance event at the U.S. Adult National Figure Skating Championships in April of 2009.
I am a marketing manager for a financial services company. I have an MBA from the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business. My B.A. is from Colorado College.
I have been married twice, and I have 4 step children; two girls (23 and 20) and two boys (18 and 14). I have no children of my own. I am a cat person, but currently catless.
My husband Perry is wonderful and loving and supportive and tries hard to make me see that the glass is really half full sometimes.
I am a terrible cook and not so great at housework, although I hate clutter. We own a "mid-century modern" house (vintage 1966) which we are remodeling. I like contemporary, Asian-influenced design.
Until recently I liked hiking, biking, and horseback riding. I like being outdoors, although I get cold easily.
I love the beach, any beach, even in the rain. Growing up, we spent a lot of time at the Oregon coast and I still think that's one of the best places in the world.
I am a third-generation native Oregonian. I've traveled, although not as much as I would like, to Europe and Asia. I lived in Mexico for a semester in college and like to think I can still speak Spanish. Despite living in Colorado for many years I do get altitude sickness over 8,000 feet, yet Macchu Pichu is on my list of future destinations.
I care about the environment, and political issues. I vote. I try to keep up on current events. I volunteer my time for causes which are important to me.
I am more than just my hips.
I am 45 years old and I am female.
I'm an ice dancer. I've passed my standard gold dances and one international dance (Samba). My partner and I plan to compete in the gold dance event at the U.S. Adult National Figure Skating Championships in April of 2009.
I am a marketing manager for a financial services company. I have an MBA from the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business. My B.A. is from Colorado College.
I have been married twice, and I have 4 step children; two girls (23 and 20) and two boys (18 and 14). I have no children of my own. I am a cat person, but currently catless.
My husband Perry is wonderful and loving and supportive and tries hard to make me see that the glass is really half full sometimes.
I am a terrible cook and not so great at housework, although I hate clutter. We own a "mid-century modern" house (vintage 1966) which we are remodeling. I like contemporary, Asian-influenced design.
Until recently I liked hiking, biking, and horseback riding. I like being outdoors, although I get cold easily.
I love the beach, any beach, even in the rain. Growing up, we spent a lot of time at the Oregon coast and I still think that's one of the best places in the world.
I am a third-generation native Oregonian. I've traveled, although not as much as I would like, to Europe and Asia. I lived in Mexico for a semester in college and like to think I can still speak Spanish. Despite living in Colorado for many years I do get altitude sickness over 8,000 feet, yet Macchu Pichu is on my list of future destinations.
I care about the environment, and political issues. I vote. I try to keep up on current events. I volunteer my time for causes which are important to me.
I am more than just my hips.
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