Shopping Spree

For my birthday, I received a gift certificate for a clothing store where I like to shop. I decided I’d use it to purchase items I will need during my stay in the hospital and afterwards. On my list: “boy cut” underwear (since my incision will be where “normal” underwear would go); pajamas and robe for the hospital (since my normal summer sleepwear consists of ratty t-shirts); supportive, non-slip, no-tie, slip-on shoes which will stay on my feet while crutching, and a couple of pairs of sweats a size larger than I usually wear.

I have two words which describe my shopping expedition: Butt Ugly. I really couldn’t find anything wearable in any of these categories. The underwear I saw looked like it would end up giving me a wedgie and I’m sorry, I’ll already be uncomfortable enough. I did buy one pair to try at home but I don’t have high hopes, and they look pretty matronly, even for me. Matronly AND uncomfortable AND not inexpensive. Trifecta.

The shoes which fit my criteria were all in shades of tan or beige and made my feet look like pontoons. I couldn’t bring myself to buy any of them, comfy as they might be, quite yet. I am sure I’ll change my tune as surgery becomes imminent, but I’m still looking for a black pair or something a bit more sporty.

Pajamas – well – I’m not into “cute” since, last I checked, I am an adult, but it seems manufacturers of women’s nightwear make only two types: Cute or sexy. I am NOT planning to wear anything sexy in the hospital, for obvious reasons. I’ll already be flashing my bare ass hither and yon when I least desire to do so. As soon as the catheters and drains are out, I want to cover it all up as quickly as possible. But I don’t want to cover it up with “Hello, Kitty.”

I did find lots of oversize sweats, not at the store, but in my husband’s closet. I may borrow his underwear too, and possibly his largest t-shirts to be used as sleeping attire. That will save me some money AND make him feel useful AND preserve my dignity, all at the same time. Trifecta.