Back to work

I'm almost 5 weeks post RPAO, and I'm going back into the office part-time tomorrow (I've been working from home part-time since week 2). I work for a financial services company doing product development, so I do a lot of sitting during the day either at my desk or in meetings. I am lucky that my job does not require much standing or walking since I'm still on crutches. Sitting may be difficult for long stretches but I am prepared to deal with that. I had originally planned for 8 weeks off work so I am happy to be ahead of schedule.

Next milestone will be going to the therapy pool starting next week. I've joined a pool near my house and I look forward to walking in the water and doing some easy range of motion exercises.

Long-term goal: If I continue to do well, and physical therapy goes well, I would like to try putting on my skates some time in October. Harlick is refurbishing my boots and should have them back to me next week. My goal is to do some light stroking and edges. It all depends on my strength and balance. This is a pretty aggressive goal for someone who is still on crutches, but it's something to shoot for.

The really truly absolutely last skate

I just spent 3 hours on the ice. Some of that was just going around and around in circles talking. Tim came out to skate with me one last time. I don't think we've skated together since January or so, but it was just like old times. Somehow we actually skated well, considering. Several really nice spins, side by side twizzles in unison, Starlight, Viennese, Samba, Blues (formerly our nemesis dance - it was fine), parts of Midnight Blues and Tango Romantica, and most of the RAVENSBURGER (not at speed but probably recognizable). We did the circular footwork from our free dance. We did various bits of choreography from our free dance. All pretty good really.

We did start to try our spread eagle lift, but just as it was going up I heard a hip crack and we aborted. I thought it was mine, but it was actually his hip that cracked. We decided to forget about lifts for the day.

We didn't work super hard and took several breaks. It was really great to be out there with Tim again.

The hip bone's connected to the ...

It seems the hip bone is connected to every other bone in my body and when I walk, most of them hurt. My back hurts, my shoulders sometimes hurt, my shins hurt, my thighs hurt, my tailbone hurts, my feet hurt. All because I am walking "funny," which is not the same as "comical." I use a cane, I limp, I compensate, and when I don't use the cane I waddle. All of this causes stress on many of my body parts.

Of course, the hip is not a bone at all, it is a joint where the femur meets the pelvis. There are more specific names for the various parts of the joint, but in basic terms that is a good description.

In just a couple of days my hip bone's going to be disconnected and reconnected. With all these pains, it seems like good timing. I've decided that tomorrow I am going for one last skate, even if it's just a couple of laps. It's going to be the last "thing" I do before surgery and I think that it's the right thing to do. Then I'll put the skates in a box and ship them off to Harlick for refurbishing. Meanwhile, I'll ship myself up to Tacoma General for similar extensive repairs. It sounds like a good plan.

A week and two days ...

My hip has been hurting. They have both been hurting, but my right has really been hurting. I cleaned the whole house, and did a lot of walking as Perry and I shopped for a recliner. The pain is good news since I am having surgery in 9 days. If I were feeling great, I might be reconsidering. I said several times over the weekend that I am now convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I need this surgery.

Ah yes, a recliner. When we first moved in together Perry got rid of his ugly but comfy recliner. I promised him he could have another one, if we could find one that looked good. That was five years ago and we never bought him one. Now I'm the one who needs it, although it will be his long term, so off we went in search of. We found one at our favorite furniture store, and it's made locally so it will be delivered before I'm home from the hospital, unless by some miracle I'm out in 3 days. Which, we all know, is not likely. So we'll now have comfy seating for me and something Perry will enjoy for a long time.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I scheduled the week before surgery off to take care of last minute details, but many are taken care of. I do want to use the week to get mentally prepared and to make sure I don't get sick. Oh yeah, and to paint my bathroom.

I thought that would be a good mindless activity to distract me this next week, and it needs to get done since we pulled out cabinets in early May. It is a small bathroom so shouldn't take a long time, and while the task involves standing, I can also sit for part of it. Probably not the best idea I've ever had, but if I can accomplish something in the next week I will feel pretty darn good. It qualifies as upper body exercise ("crutch prep") too.

I may skate this week; I may not. Before I leave for the hospital, I will definitely take my skates to the skate tech to send back to Harlick for some renovations. New tongues, cut down a notch, slightly higher heel, and removal of some stiffness since these are dance boots and not freestyle (I know that I'll never jump again because that's the worst thing I can do to my reconstructed hips). I've wanted to renovate the boots for a long time and it's much more affordable than new boots. Now's the time since I won't be needing them in the foreseeable future. And it does mean that I plan to use them again some day.

Thanks to all who offered to donate blood on my behalf. You all rock! My Mom donated this morning; I was there and it took about 7 minutes for them to get a pint of blood (whereas I was in there for an eternity and they barely got a unit). She was fine; I was grateful; and now the blood part is over until I get it back post-surgery (if needed).

I never thought I'd say this, but I am looking forward to getting this surgery thing over with now.

Sunday Social Session

I did go to the social dance session today for an hour. I was weak and a little dizzy; not sure if those are the residual effects of losing a pint of blood, the fact that I have a cold, or just that I'm out of shape. I was slow and tentative and couldn't do more than half a pattern of anything without getting out of breath.

It was good to get out there just to see friends since I really couldn't skate. Makes me wonder how it will be coming back after surgery if it's this bad before they've even cut on me. I wonder if I'll be willing to fight very hard to get strength, flexibility, and "easy" skating skills back. On the other hand, I wonder if things I've struggled with for years will become easy overnight once my hips are fully in their sockets and attached to the right part of my pelvis like a normal person.

Not sure what I'll lose and if I'll gain anything or not. I feel like I'm about to take a huge gamble; outcome unknown. But I guess that's really true of everything in life; we never know what each day will bring.

Paula Smart

My hip troubles are really just a minor incovenience in the scheme of things. Paula, a woman I never met but couldn't help but know of, recently passed away after a brief but incurable illness. This loss leaves the adult skating community in shock, as she was one of the true pioneers of adult skating and by all accounts a remarkable woman. My thoughts are with her family.
Terri

The Last

The Last topic I want to talk about here is my weight, but one of the purposes of this blog is to provide information to others on similar journeys. The point is to tell newly-diagnosed hip patients what to expect, and that it’s OK to feel like shit about things that are happening to you. Those are observations that I can contribute to the greater good.

Case in point, my weight. Since I can’t exercise like I used to, despite cutting back on calories, I have gained a whopping 10 pounds. On me, at 5’4” with a medium/small frame, this is a lot of lbs. My blood pressure and resting pulse have gone from those of an active, fit person to those of a couch potato in just 9 months. I am sure that my cholesterol levels and blood sugar have followed suit. I am just not healthy right now. For me, it feels like a personal failure.

I am also whiny because I feel bloated, don’t like how I look, and don’t like how my clothes fit (or, more to the point, don’t fit). I have gained weight in places that I have never had weight before, like my mid-section. Oh, I can’t stand it.

I tried dieting, but without exercise my body just thinks I’m starving it and lowers my metabolism to compensate. The scale doesn’t budge. This is what happens to athletes, I am told. I don’t think it’s healthy to diet, plus it isn't working, so I've decided to eat normally, albeit healthily, and plan to take the weight off when I can really exercise again, in a year or so. I am likely to gain some more in the coming months because my ass will be firmly parked on the couch. Woe to the unlucky visitor who stops by my house with cookies! Hint to everyone: BRING CARROTS if you want me to open the door.

I am still very strong, as evidenced by what I can do on the weight machine. I know there are muscles under there, hidden under those fat cells; muscles which are going to help me recover. I just can’t seem to get rid of the fat. 30 – 40 minutes on the elliptical at the level I can handle without pain (which is not very strenuous) just doesn’t compare to the 90 minutes of hard skating I used to do most days. I know that I could up the elliptical workout time but it is so mind-numbingly BORING that I just can’t bring myself to do more than I am already doing. Ditto the swimming. No can do.

That’s about as much I can stand to write about my weight issues. So, moving on …

I am right now in Virginia to judge The Last Competition B.S. (“Before Surgery”). As other hip chicks have noted, as you count down to surgery you tend to notice “The Lasts.” This is one such Last, but I know I’ll judge again on the other side.

Last week I spent quality time with my stepdaughter Ashley, visiting from college. I walked a lot, and even walked on the beach. I’m calling it “The Last” fun vacation B.S. although I know there will be many more vacations on the other side.

My stepson Aaron graduated from High School on Tuesday, preceded by a nice family dinner. I’m calling that “The Last” big family event B.S. There will be plenty more of those on the other side.

I introduced the person who will be taking my place on my biggest project at work to the project team this past week. I’m calling it “The Last” political issue I have to deal with at work B.S. For sure, there will be a whole lotta those on the other side!

As for The Last Skate … well, that happened about a month ago. I still have my skates in the car, and every single day I ponder going over for One Last Skate. A part of me really wants to, but I can’t quite do it. I always find some excuse.

The Last time I went was a pretty good hip day with very little pain. I was able to do some of the things I used to do (the Austrian Waltz twizzles, the Rhumba Choctaw and a hydroblade, for my skating friends), and I really enjoyed expressing the music on my Ipod that day. The sun was shining through the windows in the rink. I felt good. I felt happy. Somebody asked me if I skated in an ice show and it made my day.

Since then my hips have degenerated noticeably. I don’t know if I’ll skate again at my prior level on the other side. I know I can’t possibly do so now. So I really don’t want to mess with my happy memory of The Last Skate by going to the rink right now.

I do miss all you guys though.

Goals

Kianoosh, Chris, Molly and me freezing our patooties off in California

Yesterday I went to the (ice) rink and worked on novice moves. No, silly, the NEW novice moves. That's right! The new novice moves that will take effect a year from this fall. That's just in time for me to test them after my two surgeries and rehabilitations are over. No more nasty spirals, which with my hips are really impossible, and the loops and twizzles are oodles of fun. I am working on the entire test now on the rare days I actually skate. And yes, I am serious, now that the spirals are gone my goal is to test them post surgery. Having a goal like that will help get me back out there, and the timing of the changes to the test structure seem about right for my recovery, if all goes well.

The forward loops took a bit of practice and a lesson from coach R, since they are on half circles and not full circles, but since I passed my 3rd test back when dinosaurs roamed the earth they came back pretty quickly. I'm pretty good at counters although they hurt my hips right now, but I'm hoping post surgery/rehab that won't be an issue. The new twizzle move is just plain fun because thankfully twizzles are the only thing on ice that has ever come easily to me. Stepping forward after the BI twizzles to a FI edge is challenging for someone with no turnout, but I can do it in a squeaky way. {Judges, Beware! Read this blog no further; ISU has come out with a new communique! Run, don't walk, to ISU's web site and disregard the rest of this paragraph!!} With practice I think I can find a sneaky way to do the step forward so that judges don't notice I'm cheating. Well, because I cheat most everything and so far I have two gold medals to show for a lifetime of hip-induced nasty faux skating trickery. So there.

{Welcome back judges!} In other news, the surgeon's office has told me they are not scheduling July at all due to a personal issue for the doctor. I can understand that, but still, I had my entire life focused on July. I am now focusing on August or later. This messes up my fall judging schedule and things at work, not to mention the planned post-surgery vacation that Perry and I are looking forward to. I so want this over with so that I can stop worrying and get back to my life. After all, I have a novice moves test to pass.

Feel the burn

Floor Burn. Yes, it's just as painful as it sounds.

My blog has morphed from Tim & Terri ice dancing, to just Terri ice dancing, to Terri's hip saga, and now the latest installment in my life, "Terri learns to roller dance."

I know my ice cronies are now shaking their heads and asking, "Why? Why skate on the floor when there is perfectly good ice to skate on?" Well, it is a bit complicated, but here goes.

Several reasons, really. First, Tim wants to, and after 3 years of him being a very good sport about this ice thing, I think it's only fair. Second, it's a challenge, and I feel adventuresome. I've been told "ice skaters make lousy roller skaters" by the roller crowd. I want to prove them wrong. Finally, I feel like I am doing less damage to my hips because I'm not hydroblading and twizzling as I like to do on ice, but working on things that are fairly simple, like defying gravity to hold a forward edge. I can't do much hip damage, yet I'm getting a workout and skating to music. If I were on ice I'd feel compelled to work on the Austrian Waltz like everyone else is doing, and that's just not good for me right now.

So instead I'm working on perfecting my floor burn technique. I had my first roller lessons today, 20 minutes on dance and 10 minutes on figures. It's good that I'm learning the basics because Tim insists we do things like Silver Samba and Fourteenstep at full speed when I have not even mastered "not falling down" when by myself. For example, we did the Harris Tango today, and when it came time for the right forward inside 3 turn I realized I had no idea how to do that, but I did it anyway (well, sort of jumped it). Hanging on, I can fake any edge and pretty much any turn. By myself, I wobble and flail and probably look like I need training wheels. Foreign concept when I've always been a better solo skater than partner. On ice, I've always said that if I can't solo something, I have no business doing it with a partner. So much for my lifelong motto.

Thus I suffered my first floor burn, which is what happens to your knees or other body parts when you fall on them on a wood floor while moving at a high rate of speed. Falls on ice seem more forgiving since you can slide. When knee meets floor, physics dictate that knee comes to an abrupt stop and then is pulled over and into the floor with far more friction than when sliding over ice. The resulting silver dollar-sized patch of missing skin is known as a floor burn. I have $2 worth, one on each knee.

That reminds me of one other plus to roller skating - it's nice and warm in the roller rink. Although I hope the burning stops soon.

Building up “Quad” Strength

I went back to the roller rink last night without Tim, despite a huge blister on my right arch from the rental skates. He is on vacation, so now is my chance to impress him with my newly-acquired roller abilities upon his return. I am intrigued with the quad roller thing, and there happened to be a session after dinner and the roller rink is closer to my house than the ice rink.

It’s not that I like roller skating better, it’s just that it’s a challenge. Plus I am very limited in what I can do on roller skates, so it’s harder to hurt my hips. When I ice skate, I want to do all the things I like to do, which are hard on my hips. When I roller skate, I still get the fun of moving to music (and they have live music at the roller rink too), but I can only do easy things.

I went to a public session hoping to be incognito, but just prior to the session there was a beginning dance class, and most of the class participants stayed for the session. They recognized the fact that I was some sort of a dancer because I was working on dance elements. Then there were some higher level dancers I’d met on Sunday who were there for fun. Everyone was friendly and encouraging and probably wondering why I was there by myself.

My goal was to learn how to hold an edge on those slippery buggers (roller skates don’t dig in to the floor like a blade on ice, so it feels “slipperier” to me). After about an hour I got to the point where I could do all 4 forward edges, although I was pretty slow (um, hello, I would have gone faster but I’m not quite sure how to stop these things yet). I did linked edges and swing rolls, chasses and progressives.

Several people I hadn’t met on Sunday came right up to me and said “ice skater, right?” Was it that obvious? Yes, they said, they could tell by how I do my progressives. We ice people are easy to spot, and not just because we’re dressed for the arctic in a hot roller rink!

I then decided I must learn to turn backward gracefully if Tim was going to make me do dances like the Viennese and Samba with him. Three turns without holding on to him seemed beyond my reach, so I decided to do Mohawks in both directions. My ice technique was wrong, wrong, wrong. They do heel to heel Mohawks. Several people tried to show me how to do this but on ice, heel to heel = veryverybad; not only technically wrong but easy to step on the heel of your blade and go down. I just could not get past my aversion to doing it heel to heel, but I tried repeatedly. By the end of the session I could turn backwards pretty consistently in both directions and it felt sort of like an ice Mohawk, but my new friends shook their heads and told me it was “wrong.” Sigh. I’m going to have to learn it their way, I know, but it’s going to involve reprogramming 10 years of ice technique.

I did do Paso Doble cross rolls and those were pretty easy, although I’m sure I did them “wrong.” A couple passed me and I smiled and said, “Paso Doble!” They nodded and smiled and probably said to each other as soon as out of earshot, “dumbass beginner, stick to the glide waltz.” Yep, I probably should.

One friendly skater told me that I needed to “learn to listen to the music and skate to it.” Now really, my focus was just to start feeling comfortable out there and work on “technique,” such as it were. I was ignoring the music. I guess that’s really bad form at the roller rink. When music is playing (especially live music) then dammit, you should show your appreciation and skate to it.

The only fall I have had so far was when I went to sit down on the bench, but kept “rolling” and missed, falling onto my right wrist and then my butt. It would have been embarrassing, especially if I had ended up in a cast, but as soon as I realized my wrist was only sprained and not broken all was well. So I now have a sprained wrist and a huge throbbing blister but my hips don't hurt at all. Go figure!

When the shoe is on the other foot

This morning I did something I have never done before. I went quad roller skating.

I have skated on inline skates, and I probably went to roller rink birthday parties as a kid way back when. But this was the first time I ever went to a real roller dance session, with people who take it seriously. I got up at 6 AM on a Sunday to meet Tim, my ice dancing partner, who before switching to ice was a national champion roller dancer, at the roller rink. We decided it was time for me to see things from his perspective.

I met a lot of nice dancers and Tim's roller coach, Joan. Before I even got on the floor, they told me that it was harder to go from ice to roller than vice versa. They said I would not be able to turn. Joan said most ice skaters can't even stand up on the floor. Add to this dismal outlook the fact that I was wearing rental skates - something I wouldn't even consider on ice - and I figured this would be an hour of tortured falling scenarios.

When Tim first started skating on ice, he was gung ho and fearless. There was nothing he wouldn't try. He had no idea that we were pushing him to do really difficult things, and so he just did them with no preconceived notions. I swore I'd do the same on the floor today, and mostly I did. Only I knew we were doing difficult things because we were doing all of our ice dances - the blues, the samba and the Viennese - which are hard even on the ice!

The technique is different enough that certain things I can do in my sleep on ice, such as swing rolls, were extremely difficult on the floor. Without Tim to hold onto I wouldn't have been able to do anything, but hanging on for dear life I was able to do 3 turns and mohawks, or at least sort of hurl myself into turns from forward to back. Nothing was elegant or pretty but I didn't fall down and I didn't throw up, which makes the outing a success per my friend Marilu.

It was actually a blast. Tim taught me some of the roller dances on the fly. I have some new blisters, and a new pair of non-rental roller skates thanks to the kindhearted people at the rink who, after an hour on the rental skates, went home to get me some decent skates they just happened to have sitting in their garage. I think this will be excellent cross training for ice, since I have no choice but to let Tim lead. Also the skates are heavier so I am working the same muscles I need to build up in my legs before surgery. Finally - the roller rink is WARM. I do better if I'm not standing around in the cold. Not that our mall rink is cold, but the other rinks are brutal.

Don't worry ice friends, I am not going to the dark side. But what a challenge to try something similar, but just different enough to make me work hard. We'll see what new aches and pains I wake up with tomorrow.

Searching For Sarah

A bit of good news today from my friend and fellow ice dancer Mike B. A few weeks ago, a woman who used to skate showed up for the social dance session after a long hiatus. It turns out that two years ago she had PERIACETABULAR OSTEOTOMY. That's right, PAO, the same surgery I'm having. And she's back at the rink skating.

I have been searching everywhere for an ice dancer, any ice dancer, who has had PAO. I have found one ballet dancer and a hockey player but that's the closest I've come. The ballet dancer had other issues so I can't compare her outcome to mine, and the hockey player is still recovering from PAO#1 and looking forward to PAO#2, so there isn't much data there (although I was thrilled when she went to the rink and skated a couple of weeks ago).

But now, a figure skater, an actual gold-level ice dancer (per Mike) has walked into the rink and skated post PAO on a day when I wasn't there. Now I just have to find her! A few people know her, I think they know her last name, and will get me the correct spelling so I can look her up. I've put people on the alert that if they see her again, they MUST get her phone number so I can take her to lunch and ask all of the burning questions nobody else can answer.

Questions like how much range of motion did you lose, how long did it take to get your quad strength back, can you do a swing roll, what's your extension like, can you point your toes, can you still bend your knees, do you have more or less turnout, what can you do, what can't you do, oh my, I don't even know where to start with these questions.

Today we did the Austrian Waltz en masse at the social session, and it is so much fun, and I will be at most 8 weeks post PAO (likely still on crutches) when they do it at the dance camp. I know I'll be sitting on the sidelines and that really sucks big time, but at least I get to participate now, thanks to good friends at the rink who are teaching me the partnering. It won't be so bad to sit out in September if I feel I've "been there and done that" already. Right?

Ha! Who am I kidding. Sarah ... where are you???

It's the economy, stupid

Today I went to the rink and solo'd the Austrian, Cha Cha Congelado, and Ravensburger. I made up a new hydroblade/lunge move which I think is sort of cool. It's pretty much business as usual on the ice now that I'm into the Aleve. The minute I get off the ice my hips remind me that I can't walk very well, but for that hour at lunchtime I am just another skater on the ice.

Tonight we filled out the paperwork to refinance our house in order to take out enough money to pay for two PAO surgeries. Now is the right time - rates ticked down today, we are both employed, and our house is probably losing value on paper every day.

I've decided not to buy new boots. They are a "want" and not a "need," and in this economy that's a key distinction. When you are paying for surgical reconstruction of your body parts, there aren't many other things you can justify needing quite as much.

Carried away ...

I participated in the Phillip Mills choreography seminar on Sunday morning (representing adult skaters, along with two other brave young-at-heart ladies, in the large group of kids), followed by ice dancing for an hour. Today I am definitely feeling the pain, but sometimes you just have to say "what the fuck."

Amped up as I was on Aleve, I did 3 flip jumps (yeah I know, really dumb idea, but I was having so much fun that when the kids jumped, I jumped too) and a toe loop (barely counts as a jump, come on). Then there were a number of spins. It was really a fun seminar and made me feel better, emotionally, that I can still participate. What happens in the rink stays in the rink, and Dr. Mayo does not need to know about this!!

I should have quit there, but the hour of ice dancing after was just icing on the cake, and I worked on some of the partnering for the Austrian Waltz with Bob R. This is the dance we will be doing at the High Dance Camp this year ... well, not technically "we," because "I" will be on crutches ... but I will be dancing along from the sidelines. Depending on when my surgery is scheduled I'll be at most 8 or 9 weeks post-PAO, so I know there is no miracle of modern science that will allow me to skate by then. I really like the Austrian so I'm sad that I'll miss this year. However, I'd be sad to miss any year. I will certainly lobby hard for the Ravensburger Waltz for 2010's dance camp -- that will motivate me to be rehabbed and ready by then.

(My skating readers know what I'm talking about when I say Austrian Waltz, but for my hip sisters, here's a rendition of the dance done at Nationals a couple of years back.)

Reunion

So it has been almost two months since Tim and I last skated. Last time he was weak and I was in pain and it was a wonder we stayed vertical. Today I was on pain killers and he looked tan and fit, so we ran through our erstwhile competition dances, the Viennese Waltz and Silver Samba, and also the choreography for our free dance just to see if we remembered it. We even walked through the Ravensburger Waltz.

The last time we skated Tim didn't have the strength to lift me - in fact he could barely lift himself. Today we did our spread eagle lift as easy as ever, with only slight pain in my hip, thanks to those great pain killers. I swear, he must have been skating these past 2 months when I wasn't looking, because he was none the worse for wear. I was actually able to put weight on my legs thanks to these groovy meds. We skated really well. It was almost as if we had been ... practicing. But neither of us has really skated since early January.

Perhaps practicing is overrated.

A former dance coach, David S., caught up with us in the parking lot and told us he liked our Samba and Viennese. He had been shopping in the mall and unknown to us, saw us skating. He didn't know who we were since he quit coaching about the time I moved back to Portland, but I knew who he was. He thought we looked good! It's nice to know we haven't lost everything. It's nice to know our dances are still recognizable! Another adult freestyle skater also said we looked good and asked if we were competing. Sigh.

It was really fun to skate with Tim again; I've missed it. It's nice to have someone to hold me up since I'm not so good at doing that myself any more. We are going to skate for fun now and then and see what happens. Who knows, we might even tackle the Austrian Waltz so Tim can skate the high dance camp when I'm out of commission!

I'm also thinking of buying the new boots I desperately need. I figure I can break them in now, and if I buy them it will be all the more reason to get back on the ice after surgery. Something to look forward to, actual dance boots vs. these broken down freestyle monstrosities. But I'm not sure I really want to spend the money. What if, after surgery, I am unable to skate, and I'm stuck with brand new boots? Sigh again. There are worse dilemmas to have.

Better Living Through Chemistry

Molly, me and Larry -- the photo is relevant because I know Larry will get a kick out of this post, and I love the pic!

A very well-meaning volunteer at a competition I recently judged thought he was doing me a favor when he suggested that I should contact his friend, a chiropractor who has "studied physics," who could fix my hip problem by changing the energy fields and the chemistry in my body. He approached me at a time when I had just lugged my bags several miles (or so it seemed) across a smoky Las Vegas casino, and I was tired and crabby and not really in the mood for advice, so I'll admit I wasn’t the most tactful in my replies. But really … give it up, already:

He: You should really contact ****, he can fix you right up. He has this amazing energy field program, which can correct almost anything that is wrong with you. The website is ...
Me: (with a tired smile) Surgery is the only thing that can correct my problem, but thank you for your recommendation.
He: Oh no, you don’t need surgery, you really need the energy in your body re-balanced. It’s physics …
Me: Look, I know you’re trying to help, but do you even know what’s wrong with me?
He: Well ...
Me: I have hip dysplasia. Do you know what that is?
He: Yes!
(And I’m thinking to myself no, you don’t, but you’re so convinced that your friend can help me that you don’t even care to find out what it is.)
Me: I have a structural imbalance – a mechanical problem. No amount of chemical changes to my body will correct it.
He: (interrupting) But the chemical changes will get rid of your pain!
Me: No, they won’t. You are wrong. I’ve done months and months of research. This problem is not caused by a chemical imbalance.
He: (Shaking his head at my stupidity) Well, if you change your mind, let me know and I’ll give you the contact information …
Me: (Frostily) Thank you.

He didn’t make eye contact with me for the rest of the competition. Clearly he thought he was right and that I was a fool, because how could I ignore the obvious scientific evidence? Now I’m all for alternative medicine, and I don’t want to have surgery if I can help it. But I know there is no alternative. I am getting tired of helpful people who think they know what's best for me.

This includes the person who told me that her hip problem "went away" after awhile and she was sure mine would too. (What are people thinking? That nobody has a real medical problem, and all problems can disappear if you simply have a positive attitude? Not on my planet, honey.)

This also includes the person who implied, without even knowing the nature of my problem, that if I got in better shape I wouldn't need to take the elevator instead of the stairs. Right, if only I worked out more, I wouldn't need this darn cane! What do I look like, an idiot? And hey, I'm still in pretty good shape compared to the general populace.

Ah, then there was my return trip. There I was, minding my own business in the airport security line, when the TSA agent grabbed me and said I had to go into the "Express Lane." Now that was all well and fine with me since it saved me about 10 minutes of standing in line, but it was what she said next that got to me: "You'll just hold up the line and slow everyone down." Let's be real here. Not even OJ is running through airports any more. The line was crawling. I was keeping up just fine, and I wasn't carrying very much. There is no way that I was going to slow everyone down. Being an opportunist though, I suffered the insult and jumped to the front of the line. There has to be some benefit to being disabled.

Finally, as I was waiting to get off the plane at home, I noticed that the man in front of me had taken my cane down from the overhead compartment and was offering it to the sweet little old lady in front of him. She stared at him, obviously wondering why he was brandishing this cane at her. I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "can I have that please?" He looked at me with a frown, because I was obviously trying to interrupt his good deed for the day, and turned back to her. I tapped again. "That's mine," I said, pointing. This just did not compute for him. "The cane ... it's mine." Finally, with a sheepish look on his face, he handed it over to me. And away I went.

Postscript:

I did a little bit of surfing through the energy field websites today. Clearly I had a lot to learn. Now that I'm more educated, I can cancel my surgery (bold and italics added by me):

"1st The Base or Root Chakra – Colour is Red: It is created at conception and located at the base of the spine. It represents activity in general, such as movement, energy and survival as well as grounding. It connects with the base of the spine and also connects the liver and is associated with most illness. Red is also associated with pain, swelling and inflammation and all heat sensations. When this Chakra is working correctly, we have physical vitality and strength. We feel connected to nature with a deep understanding of nature’s rhythms and patterns.

When disturbed it affects the liver and all adrenal problems. Most major middle and upper back, hip and stability problems are caused by disturbances of the Base Chakra. Long term disturbances can cause chronic back and hip problems."

Glad I know this. I feel better already.

Meds

I am not big on medication. I rarely pop a pain killer, cold medication, or headache remedy. I just don’t like putting chemicals in my body. I feel that pain is a signal from my body that I should listen to, not cover up.

But after Sunday’s skating debacle, I decided that perhaps it would be better to dull the pain a bit before taking to the ice. So with great trepidation, I loaded up on ONE 200 mg ibuprofen tablet and went to the rink.

I did skate better. I was able to put my weight on one foot without keeling over in pain or having to put my other foot down. I still couldn’t really bend my knees because that puts a lot of pressure on the hip joint, and I didn’t generate a lot of power. I tried some twizzles and they were way off balance. But it was quite a bit better than the last try.

Dr. Mayo originally said that the cause of my current pain was wear and tear on the labrum because my cartilage and joint space were both good. I felt something rip on the left when I was in Cleveland, and so I am guessing that I now have a definite labral tear. The right hurts too, but not as much. This is not an unusual problem with hip dysplasia and Dr. Mayo will patch it up during my surgery. I just have to live with it until then.

I hope I don’t start needing two ibuprofens, but I realize I might. Stay tuned to see how this little science experiment plays out.

Been there, done that ...

Got the t-shirt!

Excellent advice for anyone dealing with hip dysplasia or any other challenge in life. Thanks to Cass for the reminder that it's not about what others think of you. I will continue to wobble proudly onto the ice until I can no longer stay vertical! (However, I will avoid the high-level dance session from now on - don't want to be a hazard.)

Right this minute,

there are 25 teenage boys in my basement watching the super bowl. That's right, I said twenty-five. My stepson Aaron invited his entire youth group over to watch the game and Perry and I are playing the role of pizza server, soda pourer, and "chaperone." So far, so good, although we and the cat are already deafened by the yelling and cheering going on one floor below.

The testosterone is pretty thick in here.

Earlier today I went to the rink for the first time in 2 weeks. For the first time since my diagnosis, I noticed how my abilities had deteriorated. It was no longer just a question of skating through pain but still able to do most of what I could do before. I was unable to put my full weight on one side of my body and support it on one leg for any length of time. I was shaky and wobbly and couldn't bend my knees. I could not hold an edge. The pain was no longer something I could just ignore; it controlled what I could and could not do.

After the first lap around the rink I was ready to stop, but I forced myself to stay out there and "work through it." By the second hour I was seeing slight improvement, but that's really not saying much. I couldn't even do the preliminary dances. I "got through" a few dances during the second session but they were not on edges and had no speed. They were walked, well, stumbled. They were not danced. I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted it to, try as I might.

I know I shouldn't have an ego about this, but I skate in a mall rink and there's an audience there. I was on a high level dance session where everyone is a good skater, and then there was me ... stumbling around the ice as if I had never skated before. It was humbling. I felt out of place. I am sure the shoppers weren't pointing and saying, "what is that old lady doing out there with all those good skaters" ... but it sure felt like it.

Am I that much of a narcissist? I guess I can relax about it. I'm sure nobody was looking at me, they were watching the dancers who could skate.

End of season

Tim and I decided today not to compete in April. The deadline for entries is tomorrow, and so now was the time for such a decision. It's actually not my hips that are causing this decision, but Tim has also been quite sick. Our decision actually has more to do with his health than mine, since he faces a long recovery period to get his strength back. I face a downhill slide with decreasing abilities, followed by surgery, followed by a long and painful recovery. Times two of course. But right now I still feel OK to skate 2 compulsories and a free dance.

It's the right decision for us and in some ways I'm relieved, because I had no way of knowing when my decline might become overwhelming, forcing us to drop out. Better to do so now before costumes are sewn, plane tickets are purchased, and our competition relies on us to be there.

We sat out last year due to Tim's severed achilles. We'll sit out this year. And we'll sit out next year because of my hip surgeries. Some teams would look at this track record and simply retire, but we really love skating as a team too much to consider doing that. I could find no better ice dancing partner. Our first and only competitive season was just a beginning, and we're not ready for an end yet. We feel like we have not yet had the chance to show what we can really do. So while I can't promise we'll be back, I know we'll make every attempt to do so.