The butt bone's connected to ... the recliner

It has occurred to me that I have been on crutches for more time than I have been off them for the last half of 2009. Add in the time I used a cane, and this has not been a stellar year.

I am having more pain in my ischium ("butt bone"), where one of the three PAO cuts through the pelvis was made, than last time. I think this is due to a lack of butt muscle to cushion the bone. When I had the first PAO I still had some muscle, but now it has mostly atrophied so there is less padding there. It hurts to sit and to lie down on my back, although sleeping on my right side takes the pressure off.

I am off all pain meds but still having some moderate pain, which is totally manageable. It's better than all of the nastiness that accompanies Oxycodone use. I am really tired most of the time, more so than PAO #1, and don't feel like doing much of anything most days. Hoping that will change soon.

I allowed myself to think for the first time about what my body has been through this past half year, and it's pretty scary. I chose to do both surgeries just 4 months apart, and looking back I really can't believe that I went through with that plan (when it comes to all things medical I am the great procrastinator), but I am glad I did.

Two major surgeries, 10 days in the hospital, unquantifiable amounts of strong drugs in my body, countless needle sticks to take blood from my non-cooperative veins, 28 days of self-administered heparin shots in the stomach, 4 months on crutches, and countless sleepless nights. For a control freak who breaks out in a cold sweat at the mere sight of doctors, needles, and medical equipment, the fact that I survived mentally and emotionally, not to mention physically, is indeed close to a miracle.

As the holidays and new year approach, I am thankful for my friends and family who have supported me through this challenging time, for my loving husband Perry who puts up with occasional tears (from his wife who "doesn't ever cry") and much crabbiness, my parents who are there at the drop of a hat to help me, my co-workers who have picked up the slack, and my fellow hippies who have been there unfailingly with words of advice and encouragement. I am grateful to have all of you in my life and wish you holidays filled with peace, love and joy.